Monday, January 7, 2013

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/7/2013 Review

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/7/2013 Review

Last week's show is here:

John Cena came out:
Dolph and crew interrupted.  Cena said they made "weiner jokes" and had the crowd do the wave. Zig told him to cut the crap and Cena said he did and last week "it fell all over you". Zig then said he'd be in the Royal Rumble. They all made more stupid sex and poo jokes.

Cena challenged Zig and Zig said no Big E then got on the mic and said Cena had to worry about him also.
Dolph's music hit and him and his crew walked to the ring. Zig didn't accept the challenge so I don't know what the deal is.

Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena
No commentary here for some reason. I don't mind it to be honest.
The commentary cut in about 8:17PM.

AJ and Big E got ejected after all of the interference.

Cena won with the AA after Zig tried a ZigZag. Tons of interference and ref's getting knocked out, amongst other things. The heat was there though and it was decent. They had better matches though. Cena lost his orange shoe during this and threw it to Cole. Rating:**3/4

Diva's title - Eve vs Kaitlyn

The ref made Kaitlyn tie her shoes and Eve kicked her.
Eve ran away to get the DQ win for Kaitlyn. The match was short but decent until this happened.

Santino talked about the IC belt and wanting to see the Dragon vs The Cobra and Steamboat got ripped on by Wade. Steamboat said he would be in Santino's corner.

3MB and Orton said they would be in the rumble and Orton challenged Slater. Orton said Slater won't be playing the air guitar after their match, but the harp.

Team Hell No vs The Rhodes Scholars
Sandow is now supposedly calling himself "The Lord of Literacy".
Sandow said that since 1808, his family has served as advisers to presidents. Kane almost fell off the ropes during his clothesline as well and they had to cover for it.
The Scholars won after a Cross Rhodes on DB. DB went for his usual moonsault then started holding his knee. The heels worked the knee and that's when Rhodes hit his move for the win. A decent match but nothing more than what they usually do. The best part was when the heels ran for it as Kane came in during their celebration.

Randy Orton vs Heath Slater
Orton won with the RKO. This was mostly a squash here and had the usual 3MB shenanigans. Nothing really special or noteworthy here. 3MB jumped in after and they all got RKO'd.
Intercontinental title - Wade Barrett vs Santino Marella with Ricky Steamboat
Wade won with the Bull Hammer. This was your typical Santino loses match. Santino did hit an awesome superkick though. Wade tried to attack after but Steamboat fired up and he didn't.

3MB met with Sheamus backstage. Sheamus sang "Danny Boy". I think he challenged them to something but it was hard to figure out.

Antonio Cesaro vs Great Khali
Natalya is now the "Punjabi Princess".

Cesaro won with the Neutralizer in a decent but short match. Probably better that way. Cesaro got alot of offense in. Their match on Main Event last week was much better(see here):

Maddox talked to Heyman backstage and said he might be able to help them. He said he could be the referee tonight, but Heyman didn't want it. Srewjob alert tonight.

Sheamus vs Jinder Mahal
Lots of comedy here with Sheamus kicking Jinder in the rear and then putting Jinder's hands on his rear.

Sheamus won with the Brogue Kick. He beat up on all members of 3MB and this was just an extended comedic squash. Nothing of interest here and it was pretty much a waste of time.

TLC Match for the WWE Title and the ProWresBlog Title: CM Punk vs Ryback
The ProWresBlog title will finally be defended as CM Punk makes his return! There's also the WWE title, but we all know which one is more important(Yeah, not the ProWresBlog title). Details about how the ProWresBlog title works are here: . CM Punk has been the ProWresBlog champion since 11/18/2012.
 This is CM Punk's 414th Day as WWE Champion.
CM Punk got the win when he got the belt. The Shield put Ryback through a table which took him out and that's when Punk went to win it. I liked the stuff up to that. Punk smartly worked Ryback's leg, as he couldn't climb if his leg wasn't working. Paul Heyman was a master here. Take a look at this facials and his crying. Absolutely amazing. The match wasn't bad, but it was fairly weak by TLC standards and the dirty finish hurt it for me. Rating:***

Punk said he didn't know about the Shield or Maddox and said he would drop another pipebomb on the Rock.

Vickie said Kane and DB would have a 4-month evaluation from Dr. Shelby next week. Kane called Shelby "a nerd" and him and DB argued over whether he was a nerd or a monster. Then they switched names and argued the same thing in opposite roles.

Kofi Kingston vs The Big Show
Show won with the KO Punch in 10 seconds. Stupid and a total waste of time. No reason for Kofi to lose like that either. Save that for Santino.
He said the word pipebomb was misunderstood and said he still doesn't feel respected. He said to them he sold out, but to him, he cashed in. He said there was still a glass ceiling. He said Little Jimmy is positioned better on Raw than Tyson Kidd (that's true) and said DB fakes catch phrases. He said "you don't start to get noticed until you move t-shirts around here". He ripped Bruno, saying "Wrestling once a month in Madison Square Garden is easy". He ripped Hogan, saying he never had to fight Ryback.
He said he was a "bad, bad man".
Punk said he wouldn't stop talking to go to break and they went to break while he was talking anyway.
"You, do not matter." - CM Punk
The Rock returned:

The Rock told Punk he was "straight up, delusional" and said the real number that haunts Punk's dream is 20. He said there were 20 excuses and 20 hairs standing on his straight edge scrotum and in 20 days, he would fight the Rock.

The Rock said that Punk couldn't provide ice cream bars if they drove a dairy queen truck straight up his ass.
He then called Punk a "cookie puss" and led that chant.

He said he was back to entertain the fans, stop CM Punk and to win the title. He said CM Punk looks like Popeye on crack and called him "Popeye the Crackhead". This is certainly PG.
"It doesn't matter if you matter". - The Rock
"Whenever you decide to grace us with your presence, I'm gonna kick your ass". - CM Punk
"Your arms are just too short to box with god." - Punk

"In 20 days, times up." - The Rock
The Rock then hit Punk with a Rock Bottom to end the show.

Overall thoughts: Good show overall thanks to the Rock and a decent opener and TLC.

1 comment :

  1. I thought punk's promo here on this show is the best promo in wwe in the last 10 years (yeah, even more than the first shoot promo) !

    Punk performs here very naturally as The Top Heel, but unlike heels of the past, he is a heel mostly because he is the only person speaking the truth that his "Universe" doesn't want to hear. He is very much the the only light of good in a world of bad. He is, however, a jerk.

    CM Punk exists in an unjust world and he argues for justice. This makes him the bad guy of that world. This is excellent writing and performing and I'm not sure the quality and the depth of this theme is comprehended even by the people Punk works with.

    The easiest way to understand this story is to think of the WWE as an evil dictatorship and wrestlers like The Rock and John Cena as generals in that dictatorship, and Punk as the volatile citizen spitting in the face of those generals by calling them out on their evil ways. What makes this old-fashioned narrative all the more interesting is that Punk is not a volatile citizen attempting to rally the people to his cause. He rejects the people as much as he rejects the dictatorship, for the people are the fools who allowed that dictatorship to exist in the first place, so why would he want to win them over? That is not a dynamic one typically finds in any story about revolution let alone a wrestling-story - and that makes Punk an innovative storyteller.

    The speech itself is designed to undermine and obliterate every one of The Rock's talking points, but not in the typical wrestler-argument manner. CM Punk is having an argument that The Rock, either the man or the character, seems unable to comprehend. CM Punk is speaking a different language entirely, discussing flaws in the structure of the company, and how the foundation of that company, the people, have failed.

    CM Punk is explaining that popularity in the WWE is more important than ability, that this system often results in poor managerial decisions, bad writing, bad thinking, bad wrestling, and the sullying of great wrestler's like Daniel Bryan.

    The Rock does everything CM Punk argues the dishonest, weak wrestlers of days past did, pandering to the crowd, saying that the people matter, and the like. Punk's words create an environment wherein everything The Rock says or does is not only hypocritical and disingenuous, it's anachronistic.

    When The Rock does try to go off script, referring to CM Punk as a crack-addict (a truly ridiculous claim that simply sullies The Rock more than anyone else), The Rock stumbles and fumbles and resorts to saying childish things like, "You should have something in your mouth, a little, a TOOT TOOT!" He is more preoccupied with getting the crowd to chant what he wants them to chant and starting twitter trends than he is truly addressing Punk's claims of the crowd being irrelevant. The Rock is still working a gimmick, and proving Punk's point as a result.

    Meanwhile CM Punk shouts at the crowd, "Be the puppets that you are. He got you chanting about ice cream the same way I did a year and a half ago. Congratulations. They still don't get to win. You don't get to win."

    Punk was telling a story.